I have come up with a new business idea, and although a bit difficult to get going, will make travelling across London by vehicle so much easier.
The great thing about it, is that the person who requires the vehicle wont need a phone, an app download, or even a credit card if they don’t have one.
Furthermore, the vehicles used to take the passengers across London and further afield will be uniform, easy to spot and Licensed by TFL.
To make it even easier, they will use a simple solution to establish whether they are for hire or not, by all having an illuminated yellow light on the roof above the windscreen, which can easily be seen by everybody.
I propose it will work like this…………When the driver is available or free for hire, he presses a button in his vehicle, that illuminates the yellow “For Hire” light in his vehicle.
When the prospective passengers enters the vehicle, the yellow light goes out. Now although I know this may be tricky, we are currently negotiating with the authorities to have use of a metering system, whereby the journey taken is measured in time and distance, to a ratio that is agreeable and fair to all concerned. If the meter is controlled and governed by Government Officials, this will give passengers peace of mind, knowing that the meter can’t be tampered with.
Now, here comes the important bit. Please don’t laugh, because with some effort, this will work. We need to attract drivers of these special vehicles from only the very best source. We don’t want illegal immigrants, unsafe drivers, bogus licence holders, people on benefits, people who shouldn’t even be in the UK, let alone driving for us, international terrorists, rapists, sex cases, child abductors, drunks, drug abusers, armed robbers, dangerous drivers, unfit drivers, drivers with criminal records or most importantly for safety reasons and the comfort of the passengers……anybody who doesn’t know their way around London. We could arrange a sort of character vetting for the prospective drivers, similar to what the police and military use in their recruitment process.
I hear you all smirk ! “It could never be done!” I hear you say. “Absolutely impossible!”
Hear me out. We could devise a sort of Apprentice Training Scheme for potential drivers. A sort of “London Knowledge” if you like. To learn it, and learn it well, the candidate will have to be vigorously tested, until a certain standard is acquired. Yes, ok, I agree that this could take a long time, as London is complex, with thousands of streets and roads, and millions of places to learn, such as hospitals, clubs and embassies.
Whatsmore, I propose that the new “students” are not allowed anywhere near one of our specialist vehicles, until the platinum standard of knowledge is learnt, inside out and back to front.
I agree, that this proposal may take three or even four years to reach the required standard, but just think of the satisfaction and comfort for paying members of the public, to know that they are not just in safe and capable hands, but in the care of a professionally trained, licensed, medically fit and police checked expert. Be fair, why would you want to risk any of the above felonies by travelling in anything else ? It’s a no brainer to me.
Obviously, the specialist vehicles that we would use should be easily identifiable to the public, and different from other vehicles. I think they should all be one colour, lets say black, and that way, when the public see our special black vehicles coming down the street with their yellow hire light showing, they can simply put out their hand, the driver would stop, the passenger would request their journey………and off you go !
No need to look at navigation system instructions, no need to mess about with phone apps, no need to have to keep phoning an office asking if your car has been sent, and listening to lies on the other end about heavy traffic. When you know too well that the driver despatched has got lost !
Oh no, our drivers would be so expertly trained, that neither of the above scenarios would be present. Just wave out to a passing specialist black vehicle with an illuminating yellow light, stretch the hand out, our driver stops, destination requested and safely driven by a crime free, licensed, medically fit, bona-fide legal UK citizen who has absolutely no desire to either kill or rape you………….to your destination. What more could the public want?
And last but not least, what shall we call these specialist vehicles that all prospective elite drivers will operate?
How about……..Cabs ? London Black Cabs. Driven by professionals, driven by licensed experts in their field, driven with care, driven with knowledge and driven with pride.
Who on earth would anyone need a silly phone app, only to get a cowboy imposter turn up, with a dubious background, a sat nav system the size of a plasma telly on the dash, using his uncle’s driving licence, carrying a flick knife and with absolutely no idea where he is driving ? A bit cheaper than we would be ? Sometimes maybe. But how cheap is cheap ?
If I need a tooth taking out, I would make an appointment at the dentist. There used to be a cheaper option when Frankie Fraser was alive, bless his soul, but I always decided to stick with the professionally trained dentist. Either of them could have taken my teeth out, but I regarded Frankie’s service as a false economy, and ultimately more painful in the end.
And remember the wise words of Omar “Brad” Bradley, one of the USA’s finest and bravest war commanders. He said “If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom, knowledge or prudence, our servant may well prove to be our executioner.”
London Black Cabs…………………. Driven by professionals, driven by licensed experts in their field, driven with care, driven with knowledge and driven with pride.
Padma Lakshmi, Pipa Middleton, Princess Beatrice
All taxi users
Be Lucky all.